In July of 1997 my precious husband, pastor, and friend was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease, or 'amyotrophic lateral sclerosis' (ALS for short). This is a devastating diagnosis, from the world's perspective. It paralyzes your entire body, as muscles cannot get the proper signal from the brain. There is no known cause, no known treatment, and no known cure. Fatalities are 100%. You do not survive ALS. Death usually occurs within 1-4 years….90% of all people die within 5 years. Death most often comes by suffocation, as the diaphragm slowly becomes paralyzed.

Bill's case was a bit unusual. The effects of the disease were primarily confined to the muscles of his face, tongue and throat during the first two years. As atrophy and paralysis of muscles progressed, so did his inability to swallow or to speak. He soon had to write much of what he said, and within two years began to take his nourishment through a feeding tube directly into his stomach. He found an augmentative-speaking device, a laptop computer that had a voice, to help him with communication. His limbs stayed amazingly strong for the first 2 ½ years, allowing him to have a fairly "normal" life, participating in golf, hobbies, "yard work", etc. Inevitably, though, that began to change. As his hands and arms began to weaken and atrophy, he had to go to slip on loafers instead of shoes that tied. This once strong man began to need help with buttons every day. He soon could not pick up our 12-lb. dog. Forget opening a stubborn jar or helping carry in the groceries. It took two hands to turn the ignition in the car. His athletic build vanished and instead was an increasingly frail man, though only 50.

Through it all he faced each day, each loss, with amazing grace, peace, and humor. When his garbled speech couldn’t be understood, instead of throwing up his hands in frustration, he would giggle when he heard us repeat what we ‘thought’ he said. He would come to me each Sunday to help him with his dress shirt or the button on his pants, always with a smile and a kiss or hug, never resentment or despair. There was never a complaint at restaurants when he would struggle with soup as he watches his family gobble down every delicacy effortlessly. He did not mourn his losses or grieve over his disabilities.

There is a theology of suffering that is forged in the fire, not in the sterile environment of books, pulpits, or classrooms. Bill's faith was being proven, TESTED…and found genuine. And so was mine. I say this with no element of pride or boasting. These things come from the hand of the Enemy, no doubt. He is tempting us to be like Job's wife, to "curse God and die," to become bitter and angry with God. But a sovereign God allowed it, and He only allows what He can use! Listen to me, dear friends. As believers we are not immune to trouble; nor are we to simply "bear it" as the will of God. We are to USE it!

We are to use it as a catalyst for what really counts to our Master :GROWTH in Christ-likeness, in holiness, in childlike trust and faith. We are to use it as a sledge hammer to pulverize that most hideous of idols, Self-will. We are to use it to drive us to our knees, into His presence, to learn in truth that He is all we need. We are to use it to learn warfare, hand-to-hand combat with a very real enemy. We are to use it to encourage others who are going through similar sufferings and point them to the TRUE Burden-bearer". When Jesus spoke to His disciples in Luke 21 about hardships that were ahead for many of them, He said, "this will lead to an opportunity for your testimony."

Don't "waste your sufferings" in bitterness, depression, anger, and unbelief….USE THEM for your growth and His glory! He IS a Refuge, a Fortress, a High Tower, for those who will run to Him in complete abdication and dependence. He IS "my loving God", no matter what the enemy tries to say! The Father gave us grace to say, with Job, "Though He slay me, YET will I TRUST Him!"

Allow Him to use your suffering for your good, and for His glory. Yes, there are hard days during our sojourn down here. Life can be hard. But. OH, the wonder of drawing near to this awesome God in the fire, and experiencing His grace, strength, and peace when there is no ‘earthly’ reason to feel any such thing! He is truly "My fortress, my loving God!"